What is a woman's most crucial role is her partner's life?

I always ask my clients about their childhood and their relationships with their parents. Why? Because our unhealed relationships with one or both parents affect our adult love relationships. Our partner becomes the proxy for the parent we have issues with. Our partner is our primary attachment figure and replaces our first attachment figures. Hence, lots of triggers with our partner are us reacting to them as if they are that parent we have issues with. We are especially sensitive to the unresolved issues with our parents. If you had a mother whose needs seemed to overshadow your own, you would be highly sensitive when your partner appears needy. If you had a father who dismissed your emotions, you would be extra hypersensitive to your partner, ignoring your feelings. If you had a highly critical caretaker, you would respond with defensiveness to any criticism from your partner.

Our first relationship is usually with our mother, and that codes an imprint of what love is all about. But, for a man, it also informs his relationship with all women. How he relates to any woman in his life, his female school teachers, his sisters, his girl-friends, his female bosses, his daughters and so on, is affected by his original relationship with his mother, stepmother or adoptive mother and what he learns about women.

There is not much I haven’t heard regarding relationship issues or relationship advice over the last 16 years as a coach. However, a few weeks ago, I listened to a podcast with love coach Annie Lalla who made a simultaneously simple and profound comment on her understanding of the most important role a wife has in her husband’s life. Let's change the gender-specific phrase to the most crucial role you have in your partner’s life, independent of your gender or sexual orientation.

Your key role is “to stand for him having a complete and healthy relationship with his mother” (Annie Lalla). Or, to phrase it more generally, the extent to which your partner is not connected to their parents and understands and forgives their love as fallible or imperfect is the extent to which they will replay these childhood wounds with you. If they carry a sacred wound of anger and bitterness due to not being loved how they needed to be, this bitter resentment will arise in your relationship. On the other hand, if they achieve understanding and forgiveness for their childhood caretakers, this will also affect your love relationship positively.

Have you been a daughter-in-law who has bitched about the in-laws or sided with her husband when he complained about his parents? You might have felt that you needed to be on your husband’s side, but you might want to think again. Don’t get me wrong. The first step is always listening, understanding, and acknowledging our partner’s feelings. Their anger and grief are valid. They might even have experienced mild or severe traumas in their childhood due to immature parenting. They require your empathy. However, if they don’t resolve the issues with the parent(s), these wounds will be played out again in your marriage or long-term relationship. So as the proxy of his original caretakers, it is in your best interest to remind your partner that the parents did the best they could. Your most important contribution to your partner’s personal growth and your relationship is encouraging them to heal the issues with their parents.

According to Annie Lalla, that starts by shifting our perspective and “tagging” our parents for everything positive we have learned from them. So without dismissing any traumas, we might have experienced through our parents, what would it be like to recognize them for our privileges or what we have learned from them that serves us today?

How could you acknowledge your parent’s positive input in your life? When I think of my parents, I am grateful for the privileges of education and for having lived abroad. That has opened my horizons and allowed me privileges not everybody had. Whenever I meet new people and feel comfortable chatting with them to make a connection, I am thankful to my mother, who was outgoing and modelled having personal talks with whoever she met. As a teenager, I found her chatting with everybody when we were out and about very annoying, but today I appreciate what she role-modelled. And my father, among others, modelled hard work. He demonstrated that you could achieve academic goals if you put the time and effort in.

My first invitation to you and your partner is to talk about what you are thankful for that you have learned from your parents. My second invitation is to shift your perspective of your partner’s parents if you are rather critical of them. Finally, encourage your partner to work on any childhood traumas and ultimately to accept and forgive his flawed parents, step-parents or adoptive parents.

If you would like help changing your perspective of your parents or in-laws, reach out for a free consultation.

Angelika

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To Stretch or Not To Stretch

By Dan Bosy, RPT

July 5, 2019

This past weekend, I attended a Toronto Blue Jays game with my youngest son. We arrived two hours before game time in the hope of seeing the Jays take batting practice.  Unfortunately, we didn’t get to see them but we did see the Royals hit as well as some of the pregame warm up for both teams. Seeing all of the starting position players, but only one of the non-starters, Justin Smoak, for the Jays participate in the warm up was the inspiration for this article.

The ideas around stretching have been evolving for decades.  If you have seen a Physiotherapist, Kinesiologist, Athletic Therapist, Chiropractor, or Osteopathic Practitioner for a sprain or strain injury, you were most likely taught some stretching exercises. The basic principle of stretching is to make a muscle longer.  There are many different types including passive, active, static, ballistic, isometric, and dynamic.  The controversy has been what type of stretch is best?

static & passive stretching

Static stretching occurs when a muscle is put near its maximum length and a pull is felt in the target muscle.  This position is best held for 30-60 seconds. 

Passive stretching is very similar to static stretching except that the person stretching is assisted by a partner or something else to get their body into a position to feel a pull. Both of these types of stretching should not provoke increases in pain. They also have the greatest effects on loosening the muscles when the body is already warm. As such they are recommended to be performed after activity to help change the flexibility for the long term.  Static stretches were the most common stretches performed by the Jays starting position players who stretched their triceps, hamstrings, quadriceps, hip flexors and hip adductors.  

Dynamic Stretching

Dynamic stretching is done by moving the body through the range of motion that will be required to perform an activity. An example of this type of stretching is the ABCs done by runners. Some of these include high knee skips, butt kicks, high knee march skips, and leg swings. These activities help prepare the body for what it will be doing when running so are best done prior to the main activity.  These running warm up were performed by basically all of the Jays players and dynamic stretches were performed to loosen the chest, upper back and shoulders. However, no dynamic stretches that incorporated both the upper and lower body were performed by any of the players. Since throwing a baseball well involves a whole body experience, this would be something that could enhance their warm up and reduce the risk of injury.

Ballistic Stretching

Ballistic stretching is done by bouncing or jerking beyond the gentle pull that is felt during Static or Passive stretching. This type of stretching was very popular in the 70s and early 80s but has been discouraged more recently because there are increased risks of straining or tearing a muscle compared to other types of stretches. There are times however, when the bouncing can be effective a helping a torn muscle or ligament heal more completely. No Jays players performed ballistic stretching as part of their pre-game warm up.

Active & Isometric Stretching

Active and Isometric stretching are similar. They both involve using your muscles while a partner assists in resisting the use of the muscle. For example, a stretch of the hamstrings while the person is lying on their back and their leg is brought towards their head by their partner. The person resists this movement by pushing back against their partner’s hands. In isometric stretching there is no change in position while the person activates their hamstrings. In active stretching the person’s leg will move away from their head.  Both of these types of stretches can be very effective and can also be used to by therapists for other purposes. Isometric stretches may have been performed by a couple of Jays players for their hamstrings.

There is no one magic stretch for any injury, but there may be a couple of stretches that will help in recovery and healing. Stretching is a way of helping to balance out forces on your joints and when combined with appropriate strengthening can be used to heal, and improve function.

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Jays Pitcher Matt Shoemaker Tears His ACL

By Dan Bosy, RPT

April 25, 2019

Toronto Blue Jays pitcher Matt Shoemaker tore his Anterior Cruciate Ligament (ACL) in his left knee when participating in a rundown during the fourth inning on Saturday in Oakland.  Matt Chapman of the A’s stopped partway between 1^st and 2^nd base when Shoemaker applied the tag. Shoemaker then spun to his right while his left foot was planted on the ground.  

What is an ACL?

The Anterior Cruciate Ligament is one of four ligaments that help to stabilize the knee and prevent excessive movement. The ACL is the primary ligament that prevents the tibia (leg bone) from moving forwards compared to the femur (thigh bone).  It also limits rotation at the knee in combination with the Posterior Cruciate Ligament. The ACL limits the rotation outwards of the leg bone. This ligament typically tears when the body twists to the opposite side of a planted foot. In Matt Shoemaker’s case, his left was on the ground when he was twisting to the right. Other typical times that the ACL will tear are when the knee hyperextends or there is a force on the lower leg that pushes it forwards and inwards.

BruceBlaus, Cruciate Ligaments, CC BY-SA 4.0

Could this injury have been prevented?

Given the mechanism of injury, it is unlikely that anything could have prevented it.  Not have your pitcher get involved in a rundown as Kevin Barker of Sportsnet’s Baseball Central has said would be the only way to make sure your pitcher isn’t put into that situation.  Matt Shoemaker is in good physical shape with no obvious factors that would have increased the risk for an ACL injury. 

While this article was written due to an injury suffered in baseball, the risk factors are common to all sports particularly soccer, basketball and volleyball.

What are the risk factors for an ACL injury?

There are many different factors that can increase the risk. Some cannot be controlled and just have to be accepted while others can be influenced by exercise.

Factors that cannot be changed include gender, genetic factors, previous ACL tears, and hormones.  Previously repaired ACLs have a re-tear rate 15% higher than people who have never torn their ACL. It has been reported that females have 4 to 6 times the risk of ACL injuries compared to their male counterparts. Women who play basketball or soccer year round injure their ACLs at a rate of 5% per year. Part of the reasons for this increased risk is due to differences in muscle strength, lower extremity alignment, and muscle flexibility as well as jumping and landing patterns.  These are factors that can be influenced and in some cases changed.

Take a person who stands with their knees together but their feet are apart – a knock-knees presentation.

Image from page 599 of "A treatise on orthopedic surgery" (1910)  Identifier:treatiseonorthop1910whit

It may be possible to change the presentation by strengthening muscles at the hips, knees, feet and ankles. Typical weakness in these areas allow the hips to rotate inwards, and the feet to collapse. This position puts increased stress on the ACL and adding more force can lead to it tearing easier. Addressing the weaknesses can straighten the alignment from the hips to the knees and ankles as well as reduce the risk for injury to the ACL.

If you are wondering if you are at greater risk for an ACL, book a free 15-minute physiotherapy consultation and we’ll assess your risk.

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A Cold – Your Body Speaks Your Mind

We are taught that colds are caused by viruses and that you will catch a cold when your immune system is not strong. Some classic recommendation to boost your immune system is vitamin C, vitamin D3, and echinacea. Yet, why is our immune system sometimes strong enough and other times not, despite following all the rules of getting enough sleep and maintaining healthy nutrition to keep up our immune system? Every physical issue has an emotional and mental component left out of the equation in the explanation above.

It is not a coincidence that you get sick with a cold. The common cold is linked to a conflict in our life, a situation of overwhelm or stress. Your mind might literally be speaking through your body by saying, “This situation stinks! I’ve had enough!” A cold can tell us that we are stressed out and need time off, or it can be connected to emotional issues.

Louise Hay points out that upper respiratory illnesses are related to “too much going on at once, mental confusion, disorder, small hurts” (L. Hay, Heal Your Body, 25). Sinus problems are an “irritation to one person, someone close” ( L. Hay, Heal Your Body, 63). When I have a sinus problem, I am usually annoyed with or angry at somebody else – or at myself. I need to acknowledge my anger and release it. A sore throat can be connected to “Holding in angry words, feeling unable to express the self” ( L. Hay, Heal Your Body, 64).

Deb Shapiro explains that “colds, runny nose, and tears are all related—mucus and tears are both ways of releasing repressed or pent-up emotions. You may feel the same helplessness and despair, the same need for comfort. So, if you have a bad cold, you may want to see if there is some crying or grieving you are repressing, some deep feeling that has been pushed aside.” (Shapiro, Your Body Speaks Your Mind, 184) Some questions she suggests to ask yourself are: Do you need some time to yourself to adjust to something? Is this a cry for attention because everyone seems to take you for granted? Do you need to get ill to be taken care of?

Louise Bourbeau clarifies that “a cold will often manifest as a result of congestion on a mental level, especially when there’s so much going on in your head that you don’t know which way to turn.” (Bourbeau, Your Body’s Telling You: Love Yourself, 149) Our body can be quite literal. When we are “stuffed up,” our emotional “stuff” comes up. Key questions to explore the situation further are: What is this cold preventing me from doing or having? What is it allowing me to do or have? What am I experiencing, and how do I feel about it?

The phase of the cold when we have the symptoms is already the healing phase. Preceding that phase in which we are sneezing, and coughing is the conflict phase. This conflict can be an event in our life. Sometimes it is a major event like losing our job, the break-up of a relationship, or our pet dying, sometimes an event like a fight with our partner or being stressed about a situation at work. During this conflict, we are in fight or flight mode.

After the conflict is resolved, our body goes into recovery mode. The body needs to heal, and the symptoms of the healing are a runny nose, a headache, a sore throat, a cough etc. If the conflict is not resolved, we might find ourselves in phase two, having the cold symptoms as well, because we get so exhausted from the conflict that our body is forcing us to rest. However, if the original conflict or issue is not resolved, the cycle repeats, and we will get sick again soon. Repeating cycles of this kind can manifest in serious illnesses.

Another mental factor in getting a cold is our belief system regarding illnesses. Beliefs like “I always get a cold in February” or “I get three colds every winter” affect us as much as a positive beliefs like “My immune system is strong. I hardly ever get sick”.

Illnesses will never be completely extinguished, no matter how much scientific research we invest into finding cures, because it is the natural way of our body to communicate with us. To be healthier, we must listen to our mind speak through our body and respond to the messages. There is an amazing intelligence in this mind-body system which has the purpose of keeping us emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually well.

Are you curious to find out what your body is telling you through physical issues and how you can respond to those messages?

Book a session with

Angelika

905-335-0372
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Water

By Dan Bosy, RPT

March 28, 2019

Water is considered to be one of the most important substances on Earth. Without water, there is no life. Our bodies are made of approximately 70% water and we can only live for a day or two without it. What is it about water that makes it so important?

All living things on Earth depend on water to be the transporter of food, nutrients, and chemicals. The membrane of a cell senses the environment around it and responds by taking some items into the cell and keeps others out. It can also make proteins to help it live longer and may also send signals in the form of chemicals to other cells around it. It does not matter whether the cell is a single cell organism or one that is part of a more complex organism like a human.

In humans and other mammals, water is present in great quantities both inside and outside of our cells. The water outside of the cells is part of our extracellular matrix which is also known as Fascia. It is composed of fibres like collagen and elastin, and a ground substance made of water and proteoglycans. Proteoglycans are made of a protein core and starch-like glycosaminoglycans. Their role is to help connect the cells around it together, while the water helps with fluidity and movement. 

So what happens when we have not been drinking enough water?

The water outside of the cells is often affected first. It is collected and pulled into the cells because they need it to survive. This reduces the amount of fluid outside of the cells making the fascia fluid stickier kind of like maple syrup. If the water is pulled into the cells very fast or driven from the fascia quickly like what can happen in trauma, the ground substance can become as hard as concrete.

What effect does this have on how we move?

Imagine an elastic band, it can stretch very well and spring back to its original shape. No take an elastic band that has dried out, when it stretches you can feel the fibers let go a little and it will no longer spring back or it may even break. Now take a collagen fiber and dry it out. It will tend to get harder along with the ground substance. Together with the loss of the elastic fibers, the collagen fibers being more dominant, and the ground substance being as hard as concrete, this dry area will not be able to stretch. If you try to stretch it, the whole section will move as a block and you will feel the pull in a different muscle than expected.  An assessment will help identify these areas and treatment will help to loosen and rehydrate the tissues so that you can start to feel a stretch in the expected muscle.

Does the quality of water affect us?

Modern societies provide water to their communities by filtering, cleaning and treating it, before sending it in pipes for distribution. Spring water, by contrast, has not undergone this process. Which is cleaner and safer to drink? Depending on the source of the spring water and the community water, in North America both are clean and safe to drink. (There are exceptions: for example the community of Flint, Michigan which has been having a water crisis since 2014. There is still concern over whether the water is safe to drink there.)

How do we know if the water is good for us. One way is to look at the ability of water to form crystals.  Masaru Emoto, a Japanese scientist, and author of Messages from Water, and The Hidden Messages in Water took photographs of water crystals from many different sources. Emoto photographed the water taken from a tap in Tokyo and from a fresh-water spring outside of the city.  The city water made a partial crystal while the spring water made a complete one. Struck by this discrepancy, he proposed that water that was “polluted” could not form full crystals while “pure” water would form complete ones. Emoto suggested that chlorine was responsible for the poor crystal formation in the city water.

Emoto when on to photograph water crystals after the water had been subjected to positive and negative messages, electromagnetic waves and UV light.  The photographs suggest that crystals fully form with positive input and were fragmented or non-existent. While his critics say his work is unscientific and there were no controls for his hypothesis, the message is the same. Treat yourself and the water around you well and the water will make nice beautiful crystals that suggest that it is clean and safe to drink.

If this message is true, then the water in your body also responds to positive messages. Feelings of love and gratitude as well as other positive thoughts will help your body heal and recover.

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Is Marcus Stroman Healthy?

By DAN BOSY, rpt

February 26, 2019

Blue Jay's pitcher Marcus Stroman may want to forget much of 2018. Stroman started the season with right shoulder inflammation in spring training requiring him to be shut down, limiting his build up of pitches in the lead up to the season. Then he was placed on the disabled list on May 11, 2018 (retroactive to May 9, 2018) for shoulder fatigue. Stroman himself stated that there was more to it than just the shoulder fatigue. After returning from the disabled list, he struggled and wound up on the disabled list again in August 18th for a blister.   Stroman had previously told MLB.com on Aug. 8: "It's something that I've been dealing with all year, to be honest with you, I just haven't said anything"

This spring we find out from Stroman that he was suffering from shoulder issues all of last year. While to some this admission would be a surprise, however, if we look at how he performed it shouldn't surprise anyone. Stroman had career worsts in ERA, WHIP, walk rate, strikeouts per walk, and Win-Loss record. He clearly struggled with control and was pitching up in the zone more often than in the past. Considering he is most effective when pitching at or below the knees, this was not optimal and suggested that something was off. 

In 2017, Stroman pitched much better but also complained about the ball as he has having issues with "hot" spots which are precursors to blisters. He was able to pitch the whole year, making 33 starts and accumulating 201 innings on his way to a career best ERA at 3.08. This was the first year that Stroman ever had issues with the ball. Only the Blue Jays and Stroman would know for sure whether he was already having some tightness in the shoulder or through his hips and pelvis that were subtly affecting him. Obviously, it was not enough to prevent him from pitching very effectively. 

If I were a GM looking to acquire Stroman these are what I would like to see:

#1 - Stroman has to be able to pitch down in the zone. This will mean that he is able to get on top of the ball and be able to extend through the shoulder without any restriction.

#2 - Stroman will have more control particularly with his fastball. This will make it easier for his off-speed pitches to be used to have batters chase them out of the zone reducing his walk rate to a more acceptable level

#3 - As he builds his pitch count, Stroman will continue to pitch down in the zone and not show any signs of fatigue 

#4 - Stroman will not be looking at or examining his right hand for "hot" spots or blisters as these were caused by the change in arm angle from his shoulder issues. In 2018, he tried to compensate for the shoulder with increased pressure through his fingers leading to the blisters.

What Should The Blue Jays Do To Keep Stroman Healthy?

If I were responsible for the health of Marcus Stroman, I would do the following:

Knowing that Stroman had an left ACL repair in the past, would lead me to first check his left quadriceps (and lower extremity) for any weakness. If there is weakness, then he or any other right handed pitcher would likely compensate for this weakness by over using the tensor fascia lata and iliotibial band.  These structures are on the outside of the thigh start at the hip and attach to the knee cap as well as the tibia below the knee. Overuse causes tightness that would spread to the left hip and abdominal region and through the connective tissue fascial chains up to the right shoulder. So any weakness and tightness in the left thigh would gradually become more of an issue over time for any right handed pitcher. 

Along the same lines, normal alignment and mobility of the pelvis would be essential. Any restriction at the pelvis would gradually cause tightness into the shoulders. For example, a rotation and restriction at the right pelvis causes weakness of the gluteus medius which is one of the muscles that is used to push off from the rubber. The push and rotation during the stride phase is responsible for about 50% of the velocity of a pitch. To maintain the same velocity on the fastball, a pitcher would then have to compensate for this in other areas which may lead to impingement and pain in the shoulder or increased strain at the elbow.  Looking at it from a tissue perspective, a rotated pelvis can cause tightness in the hip flexors and lower abdomen which have attachments to the upper back pulling it into more flexion. Increased flexion or bend in the upper back reduces the rotation through the body and compromises how well the shoulder blade stabilizers work. If the shoulder blade is not controlled as well, the rotator cuff and long head of biceps muscles have to work harder causing increased strain and possibly inflammation of the tendons from rubbing in the shoulder joint. Both of these cause restrictions and pain in the shoulder.

If you follow the logic, the next place to check is the mobility of the lower back and upper back then neck before even looking at the shoulder.  Treating the symptoms is easy mindless therapy. Good therapy is not mindless or easy. It requires thought, observation and good feedback.  Treatment of the symptoms directly may help initially but the symptoms will return. Good treatment tracks down the cause so the symptoms don't come back, ever! It may take a little longer but the results are so much better.